Recovery and Rebuilding
Having Trouble Coping?
Often the most difficult part of a disaster's aftermath isn't the actual lack of showers, arguments with your insurance company, or strategizing about how to put your house back together, but the powerful emotions these things stir in us. "Disasters literally knock the ground out from underneath our feet," says Christine Curci, Ph.D., a Maine-based mental health specialist who did extensive grief counseling in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina for the U.S. Department of Homeland Security's emergency medical response team. "They knock us out of psychological balance. People have to find a way to restore that balance, and that takes time."
Recognizing The Stages of Disaster Grief
Everyone reacts to a major disaster somewhat differently. But there are patterns, and recognizing those patters can help you realize that whatever shifting, chaotic feelings you're experiencing are probably completely normal.
Shock and anger tend to come first, occasionally followed by self-pity and despair. "Some people," says Curci, "will just fall apart and be unable to function for days or even weeks. But you don't see that too much. What you mainly see is an amazing amount of resilience."
High-functioning, take-charge types, especially, tend to shift pretty quickly into "survival mode," as Curci calls it, as they attempt to control as much of the situation as they can. This is the mode that gets things done. That gets the family settled in new quarters. Follows up on insurance claims and loan applications. Replaces the kids favorite toys and games so they can feel life is getting back to normal.
But right at about the four- or five-month mark, a lot of primary caregivers hit a kind of emotional wall. It's not uncommon for an overwhelming sense of fatigue to set in. People may have trouble sleeping or find they're increasingly snapping at loved ones. "It doesn't matter how 'together' you are," says Curci, "or how well your rebuilding efforts are paying off. That initial imbalance I was talking about is eventually going to catch up with you. Disasters alter our view of the world. They change what we thought we knew. This sense we have of ourselves as invulnerable to these sorts of things no longer holds. So, until you come up with a new way of looking at the world that takes that into account, you're going to be stuck and not be able to truly move on."
Getting Unstuck
If (or more likely when) you get stuck during the emotional processing of a disaster, you need to recognize the signs and seek help. Many victims find that talking to close friends, family, or their pastor helps. But if you're so depressed that you can't get out of bed or carry on with the work still left to be done, you should arrange to see a professional.
Your physician or church-based counseling service should be able to provide a referral. You may also want to contact the National Mental Health Association. Among mental health organizations, the NMHA has taken the lead in helping its members become attuned to the special needs of disaster victims. Use the NMHA database to find the phone number of your local affiliate; then just call the office and a trained staffer will help you find a therapist in your area experienced at working through the sorts of issues faced by disaster victims. And if you are in immediate crisis, simply call 1-800-273-TALK. On-call NMHA counselors are there to make sure you don't do anything too rash, and you give yourself the time you need to heal.